Currently Listening All the Joy In the World By Jump5 see related

A Soldier's Christmas Poem...It's long, but worth it!

The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.

My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.

Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
Transforming the yard to a winter delight.

The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,
Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.

My eyelids were heavy, my breathing deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.

In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.

The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,
But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.

Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know,
Then the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.

My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
And I crept to the door just to see who was near.

Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.

A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,
Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.

Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.

"What are you doing?" I asked without fear,
"Come in this moment, it's freezing out here!

Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"

For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts..

To the window that danced with a warm fire's light
Then he sighed and he said "Its really all right,
I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night."

"It's my duty to stand at the front of the line,
That separates you from the darkest of times.

No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.

My Gramps died at 'Pearl' on a day in December,
Then he sighed, "That's a Christmas Gram will always remember."

My dad stood his watch in the jungles of 'Nam',
And now it is my turn and so, here I am.

I've not seen my own son in more than a while,
But my wife sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile.

Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red, white, and blue... an American flag.

I can live through the cold and the being alone,
Away from my family, my house, and my home.

I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.

I can carry the weight of killing another,
Or lay down my life with my sister and brother..

Who stand at the front against any and all,
To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall."

"So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright,
Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."

"But isn't there something I can do, at the least,
"Give you money," I asked, "or prepare you a feast?

It seems all too little for all that you've done,
For being away from your wife and your son."

Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
"Just tell us you love us, and never forget."

To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone,
To stand your own watch, no matter how long.

For when we come home, either standing or dead,
To know you remember we fought and we bled.

Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us."

...Thank you for all the sacrifices you make!

Currently Reading The Negotiator (O'Malley) By Dee Henderson see related

Hey people!

Sorry…this is going to be rather long!

I’m still here!  First of all, I must apologize for my neglect on here lately!  And I must admit that it has been somewhat intentional.  But I’ve had requests to post…you know who you are…LOL;)…so here I am.  I must also apologize for the ranting that’s to follow, but I have to be honest.

Satan completely sucks!  I know I can’t blame my entire mind set on him, but he has planted stuff that my mind has just played off of.  Ughhh!  And as much as I've tried to combat it with God’s truths, it’s still really hard and I’ve found myself falling in his traps and believing the lies.  I’ve also had a lot that has happened over the last few months, and it’s been one thing after another.  You know it’s months like these where I really wish I just didn’t care so much.  Because when you love someone so much and loose them or they don’t return your love, it really hurts and causes scars that go deep.  And sometimes the pain seem unbearable, but ultimately God will & does takes you in His arms, wraps you in His perfect love, & begins the healing process.  And I’m a very stubborn person, I don’t like asking for help because why should I burden others with my problems when it’s not their fault and I hate hate hate complaining!  I’m sorry!

So, where to begin…

Well, I’m actually doing better with Dave leaving then I really expected to.  I mean, I went through being sad and upset, then being really pissed off, but I’m okay now and I still really miss them.  It’s really odd, because it hits at different, really weird times.  You gotta love how the mind & emotions work…yuck!!!

Then almost immediately after everything at church happened, I found out that my uncle is dying of AIDS, he’s not saved, practices Buddhism and is not open to listen to your religious views…as he called them.  And it’s really hard, because I understand that he’s living out the consequences of his lifestyle(and I’m in absolutely no way blaming God), but I really do love him despite our strained relationship and stuff and have been trying to be as supportive & encouraging as possible.

I found out that a very good friend, he’s been like a grandpa to me, has cancer and he has not been doing well.  He’s has had like 5 chemo treatments and I think has another 3 to go and then he also has to go through some radiation after that.

It’s been a year since my grandpa died and I still miss him so much and have so many regrets regarding our relationship.  And it has also caused me to think about my great-uncle, who died 12 years ago, & my cousin who died about 11 years ago.  And I realize how much I still miss them, even after all this time, and how raw the pain can still be.

Here’s a verse that has really spoke volumes to me lately:

Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
   don't try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
   he's the one who will keep you on track.

~Proverbs 3:5-6(The Message)

And finally, on a little lighter note, I’ve really been learning lately about God’s forgiveness.  It completely amazes me that when I mess up, no matter what…when I repent, He forgives me and still has a divine purpose for me!  I love God!  He is my strong tower, my safe place in times of trouble!

Well, that ends this really really long blog. Sorry again for the ranting, but thank you sooooo much for listening!  Love you guys!  Have a wonderful weekend!  Till next time…

Much Love & God Bless,

~PAM=)

Currently Listening Josh Gracin By Josh Gracin see related

I was sitting on my doorstep
Hung up the phone and it fell out of my hand
But I knew I had to do it
And he wouldnt understand

So hard to see myself without him
I felt a piece of my heart break
But when youre standing at a crossroad
Theres a choice you gotta make

I guess its gonna have to hurt
I guess Im gonna have to cry
And let go of some things Ive loved
To get on to the other side
I guess its gonna break me down
Like falling when youre trying to fly
Its sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life
Starts with goodbye

I know theres a blue horizon
Somewhere up ahead just waiting for me
But getting there means leaving things behind
Sometimes lifes so bittersweet

I guess its gonna have to hurt
I guess Im gonna have to cry
And let go of some things Ive loved
To get on to the other side
I guess its gonna break me down
Like falling when youre trying to fly
Its sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life
Starts with goodbye

Time heals the wounds you feel somehow
But right now

I guess its gonna have to hurt
I guess Im gonna have to cry
And let go of some things Ive loved
To get on to the other side
I guess its gonna break me down
Like falling when youre trying to fly
Its sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life
Starts with goodbye

It really sucks and is hard, but that's where I'm at right now.  But it will be okay...I know I will be okay, it's just getting there.  It's something I gotta go through and God will carry me through...I just have to let Him and give it over to Him.  Which, you all know, is just soooooooo easy for me.  That said with much sarcasm.  Well, there's not much more to say, maybe later.  It's late and I'm tired, so I think I'm off to bed now.  Love you all!  Have a good night!!

Much Love & God Bless,

PAM=)

Currently Listening Another Journal Entry By BarlowGirl see related

Hey guys!

I just wanted to let you all know that I got a new cell phone!  Man, it's totally way long over due!  Well, anyways, my number is (815)298-6076.  Love you all!  Have a wonderful night!  Till later!

Much Love & God Bless,

~PAM=)

Currently Reading Next Door Savior: Near Enough to Touch, Strong Enough to Trust By Max Lucado see related

Hey guys,

This is going to be rather long, so just bear with me...

I really have to sincerely apoligize to you all.  To those of you who see or talk to me on a regular basis, have probably noticed that I haven't been myself lately.  I have just been dealing with a lot of emotional crap, also fighting off depression BIG TIME and in the process I have pushed away those I need the most and love dearly and I am very truly sorry!  I have felt very hurt, lied to, used and played...which I guarantee has nothing to do with any of you, I promise!  And really not knowing what to do or how to deal with anything, I just started to shut people out and I am very sorry and hope you all can forgive me.

I feel like I am on this roller coaster and was just flipped upside down and I would give anything to just get off!  I am so weary and I really don't know if I can go through this again.  I don't know if I can be there to help pick up the pieces, when I, myself, am shattered.  I am so tired of always giving my whole heart in relationships only to have it crushed in the end.  I am tired of people making promises only to break them and walk out on you.  Some of you know what I am talking about, but if not, just let me know and I will fill you in!  I really don't know what to do anymore.  I am so hurt and confused right now, and I have no clue what God wants me to do next!  I am just walking by faith and trusting Him in the next steps to carry me through!  I'm sorry that I have turned this into ranting, I did not intend it to!

Well, I had a really long talk tonight with someone that I really love and respect and she was really encouraging to me!  She gave me this verse and it really struck me!

"Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will  be exalted in the earth. The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress."

Sometimes we need to be reminded that everything we do is supposed to be glorifying to God, I know that's something that I constantly have to be reminded of.  We need to pray for His purpose and Will for and in everything, and then we have a responsibility to be obedient to Him and what He wants for us!  It's a very hard lesson and I feel that I fail at all the time, but I am really trying.

Well, with that said, I think that's it for now.  If I forgot anything I will fill it in later!  If you have any questions, please let me know and I will try my best to answer them.  I love you all so much and I hope you all know how much your friendships mean to me!  I know that I don't express it enough, but you guys mean the world to me!  Love Ya!  Thanks!  And I'm sorry again!  Talk to you all soon!

Much Love & God Bless,

~PAM=)